The Mandates: 25 Real Rules For Successful Gay Dating
Product Description:
How do you win the dating game if you’re a gay man?
After many years of serial monogamy, Dave Singleton went to the front lines to find out, exploring the lives of other gay men who found themselves on the dating fast track with guys they’d met from work, at the gym or bars, and, increasingly, on the Internet. Thus, The Mandates was born—a laugh-out-loud but completely true set of rules about the making (or breaking) of men’s romantic relationships.
A sampling:
Mandate #10: Everything You Need to Know, You Learn in the First Five Minutes
Mandate #12: The Difference Between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now: Learn It!
Mandate #13: Things You Should Never, Ever, for Any Reason Say Out Loud in the First Six Months of Dating
Mandate #24: Be Your Own “Judge Judy”: Evaluating Heinous vs. Forgivable Sins
Plus, “A Gay Dating Primer: Dos and Don’ts,” and excellent advice on “The Who, What, Where, and How of Meeting a Guy” and “Marking the Milestones of Gay Dating.” At long last, here is a hilarious, definitive gay man’s guide to finding Mr. Right.
Subjects: Gay & Lesbian studies, Sex Relations, Social Science, Love / Sex / Marriage, Sociology, Love & Romance, Family & Relationships / Love & Romance, Gay Studies, Dating (Social customs), Gay men, Sexual behavior, Social conditions, United States,
Great summertime read
Definitely some interesting points in here for someone in the dating scene! I think this book is a very good buy if you are gay and dating and curious about certain aspects of the gay dating scene like I am right now. I just took it to the beach with me and it was really fun. And the guys on the cover are hot, too!
It's Not That I Like Dating How-To's...But This Was Fun
I don't usually like dating how to books and usually don't write reviews but a friend recommended this for a beach read and it definitely served it's purpose. We were howling. There are some passages that are so eerily realistic in their depiction of the gay guy psyche that they read more like a documentary than a funny how to.
Part of the humor was sharing it with my friends who have had similar experiences.
There are also parts of the book that I cannot empathize with at all, such as the checking a guy's medicine cabinet or music CD's as a part of the dating ritual. But some of these are, I think, tongue-in-cheek parts. Nonetheless, we laughed out loud at some of the unfamiliar topics, too. Yes, even the stereotypical ones that no one wants to admit to, and a lot of the advice which seems geared more toward a gay man's twenties and early thirties. Dating disasters are presented in a good-natured way which both the guilty and innocent should equally enjoy. This book can also be a good ego booster, since every gay man should be able to find at least one passage where he can say "At least I never did that!"
Funny
Loved it. It contains some wonderful, practical advice. But really, it's like spending the afternoon with a wise and witty friend who left me feeling better about myself than when I started it. I don't get the naysayers who act as if every so-called self help book has to be written in dense academic text or swamped in psychobabble. There's a lot of dreary stuff out there and I have read most of it. This was really enjoyable. There's some obvious satire in here, mixed with the stories. If you hate being entertained or laughing out loud then some parts of this are not for you I guess.
Hmmm...what to tell you
I would say that this book is very entertaining. It runs the gamut of gay dates from hell to smart ways to think about creating good dates. It has great information, it's very well-written, meaning the author has a real style about him, and for the most part it's smart advice. But it's not just an advice book. You should know that upfront. There are lots of personal anecdotes about relationships, sex, dating, etc.
Nothing New. Not that funny
For $10 I guess its fine, but I didn't learn anything from this book at all. If anything, I actually feel more alienated. I do not live in the gay neighborhood of my city nor do I hang out exclusively with gay people. However, coexisting with straight people isn't even a passing thought in this book. Basically, if you don't live as a cher-worshipping rainbow flag waving poster child of gaydom, the book paints you as a maladjusted closet case who should be avoided at all costs. I agree with the review that said this is a good guide to turning into a "flaky queen". Also, I cannot even count the number of times alcohol is referred to in this book (and I rarely drink) but any drug use is met with a "kick him to the curb, girlfriend" attitude (I don't do drugs either, but I'm just pointing it out). The book does not answer any central questions about what men want. There is research out there about how important a good body *really* is and how important masculine traits really are for a relationship vs. hookup. This author did not pull any of that in. However, there is an underlying assumption that ALL gay men go to the gym, and usually that is an all-gay gym (so I guess a good body is really important to him...). As far as the authors take on the value that gay men place on education or personal growth - oh wait - neither topic is ever mentioned. The whole book can be summed up with the fact that the author actually gives advice on "what to say if he catches you looking at his Streisand CDs when he comes out of the bathroom". So, essentially, the book is a disappointing series of common-sense superficial tips that anyone who went to high school already knows: "don't seem needy or desperate, be confident, don't go into your whole life story on the first date." I mean, if you're THAT clueless about dating... then go for it. Maybe I would've found this useful at 16 or 17, however. (Oh, by the way I just learned that being 30 is old. It's mentioned about 4 times.) I also like how there is a whole chapter devoted to what you should hide & display in your bathroom (aveda = bad... generic shaving cream = good). Um, by the time a guy is in my bathroom, he is probably on his way to having sex with me so I think it'll just have to be ok if he sees moisturizer with retinol. If he wants to end the relationship over my brand of shaving cream (yes, that is mentioned as well) then I'm done too. What is amazing is that in previous chapters, "being your fabulous gay self" is encouraged, but now we're playing "hide the gay cosmetics?" The book is replete with hypocritical counsel, vague generalizations, and inconsistencies. I suppose, then, it is more of a metaphor of gay dating than a guide to it.
